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a team of brahmins with impaired vision examines the royal white elephant . . .

[brahmin the biologist happens to feel the trunk and passes his judgment]

fuzzy-furred, red-eyed, wet-nosed, and tactile
it’s not an ingrown toenail, it’s not a french poodle, it’s not a walrus
it has excellent olfactory perception
it has a pair of blowholes on its head

this serpent knows how to slither down a snake pit
how to pace up and down the eyebrows of society
how to steal up on an oiled bamboo pole, how to logroll, how to spell

i’m not talking about my eldest son
gentlemen, what we have here is a pachyderm
a very, very delicate animal

[brahmin the numerologist holds the tusks in his hands and delivers
his assessment]

these two enormous phalli are genuine godsends
they are as sharp as the number 8, as silky as 8
as generously proportioned as 8
as reassuring as the number 8 . . .
8 or killjoy
8 is the repository of sacred wisdom
8 is the lucky number for growth
8 is above karmic consequence
8 is for elected, eight is for re-elected
8 is blue cheese in the southern hemisphere
8 is fish paste in the northern hemisphere
8 is a big push, eight is perpetual peace
8 can protect you from four sorts of harm
8 can deliver you from five types of foes
8 can bring you all two thousand spices
8 will bless you with thirty-eight auspices
8 thousand dollars a month, fine by me

[brahmin the economist bumps into the elephant’s tummy]

ceteris paribus, it may be a bull, it may be a bear
it may be a free rider in free trade for a free lunch
this means the mean reversion may or may not be inevitable

if corruption is her comparative advantage
we are a pack of complementary goods to this wholesome mammal
it’s full of animal spirits and antitrusts, within the limits
of bounded rationality, it might or might not behave as i expected

shall we call it a colossal contagion, just like us,
this monster has stomached so many moral hazards
then again, in the long run we all are dead

[brahmin the commander sniffs around the elephant’s hindquarters]

if it feels like a trojan horse, if it stinks like a trojan horse
if it quacks like a trojan horse, it is a trojan horse

— oppose those relying on external elements, acting as stooges, holding
     negative views
— oppose those trying to jeopardize the stability of the state and progress
     of the nation
— oppose foreign nations interfering in internal affairs of the state
— crush all internal and external destructive elements as the common enemy

deny, delay, deceive, disrupt, destroy
uphold the national cause, get ready for a total people’s defence

[the brahmin who is never there]

thank you for your message, i am currently out of the office
i will get back to you as soon as possible